Clipper Exam

There are many types of barbershops. The barbershop I go to in downtown New Haven is all about the sports talk, with the TV tuned to ESPN, the decor tending toward collegiate athletics and the banter focused on whose amateur analysis holds up.

And as a customer of this barbershop, I'm always at a severe disadvantage, being a fan of only one sport (baseball) and a fan of only one team in that sport (the Red Sox), with a shameful lack of expertise these days in either the sport or the team.

So when I set out this morning to get my haircut, I felt like an ill-prepared college student, off to take his midterm exam without doing any studying. What if they ask me a question that I don't know the answer to? Should I concoct some excuse for not knowing the material? Is there any way I can fake my way to a gentleman's "C"?

And then fate threw me a lifeline. The shop was closed until later in the morning for some unknown reason. My immediate fear was that the barbers had been up late watching North Carolina beat Michigan State, and I'd be barely able to say who won. So I took advantage of the extra time to study and grabbed a New York Times at the Starbucks around the corner.

Alas, the NYT was printed too early to have highlights of the basketball game, but lo and behold, two big baseball games were covered on the front of the sports section: The Yankees looked awful in their opener against the Orioles, with their two new high-paid stars totally choking. And the Mets eked out a win behind the solid pitching of Santana, their ace. That had to be enough to get me through any awkward silences sitting in the barber's chair.

But when I finally faced the music, it was as if the midterm had been canceled in favor of a study hall. No one was talking about basketball. An older customer asked one of the barbers about Palm Sunday festivities, of all things, and about his kid's soccer team. And, gasp, the TV wasn't tuned to ESPN but to Rachel Ray! What was going on here?

When I sat for my cut, I wondered if I should take the initiative and bring up the sorry state of the Yankees or the upbeat start to the Mets' season. Instead, I figured it best to stay quiet. The only sports talk was about another customer's trip to see an exhibition game in the Mets' new ballpark, but the game itself was overshadowed by the guy's appraisal of the new facility.

With my head a little lighter and my wallet a little skinnier, I strolled out of the place feeling I'd been spared, but also feeling a little disappointed. Even so, I'll be sure to study up for next time.